CHRISTMAS IS ILLEGAL!

About 25 years ago, not long after I arrived in France, a friend gave me a photocopy of a magazine article talking about some of the strange laws concerning the celebrating of Christmas in the UK. It was hilarious!

Although I never found out who wrote the original article - and which magazine it came from - I have rewritten and updated it numerous times and often use it as an amusing text when I am training people.

Here is my version of why you should be very careful if you try to celebrate Christmas in the "normal" way this year...

If you decide to eat a Christmas pudding this year, you'll be committing a criminal offence. Fact! Oliver Cromwell's Long Parliament of 1664 passed an ordinance stating that everyone must "observe the monthly fast on the day which heretofore was called the Feast of the Nativity of our Saviour". It also forbade the making of Christmas pudding and mince pies, describing them as "abominable and idolatrous things to be avoided by Christians".

Having said that, it's highly unlikely that you'll be prosecuted for doing one of these things. British law is made up of over 4000 statutes, some of which go back to the year 1235. Most of these laws were passed during particular circumstances but were never repealed when the circumstances no longer existed. The fact remains nonetheless that anyone celebrating Christmas will technically be breaking the law.

Officially, a lawful Christmas Day must start with going to church. The Holy Days and Fasting Days Act of 1551 stipulates that every Christian is obliged to attend a church service on the "Nativitie of our Lorde." You cannot, however, drive there, because a Victorian law allows the police to confiscate and sell any privately-owned vehicles used for Christmas Day churchgoing.

And then there are the laws about the food you can buy on the 25th: bananas cannot be bought legally after 8pm, and the same time limit is imposed on the sale of unpeeled potatoes (but you can buy chips after 8pm.) Furthermore, it's also against the law to have more than three courses for Christmas dinner in your own home!

A very interesting law was passed in 1677. It states that on Christmas Day "noe servant, artificer, workeman, labourer or other person whatsoever shall do or exercise any worldly labours, business or work of their ordinary callings". In other word, any member of the constabulary who arrests you for eating mince pies is ALSO breaking the law.

Giving presents is banned too. It was once traditional for large firms to give substantial bonuses at this time to their regular customers. This practice led to so much corruption that in 1906 an Act for the Better Prevention of Corruption was passed. "Any person who gives or agrees to give, or accepts any gift" was, yet again, technically breaking the law.

Of course, all forms of acting and shows are forbidden. Many legal experts regard this decision as the most sensible and far-sighted ever taken by British lawmakers. Could they have predicted the rise of such "entertainers" as Terry Wogan, Bruce Forsyth or Jeremy Clarkson, and made an effort to give us a break from them, at least once a year?

Just think; if we had followed the wisdom of our forbears, we would have spared the annual torture of Strictly Come Dancing/East Enders/You’ve Been Framed Christmas Special forever....

It's worth thinking about as you enjoy yourself (illegally) this Christmas!!